Tuesday, July 28, 2009

This is the only picture that exists of me dancing.

Aside from the fact that it's a terrible photo, it's also a pathetic excuse for a jeté and bad, bent-kenned timing. There is no other photo or video evidence of what was the most important thing in my life. (Except for some competition team pics/videos but that wasn't really dancing, just me wearing funny costumes.) A girl named Jeneba took this picture. I was 13 and she was 18 and a brilliant dancer. She choreographed a solo for me to compete with and this was me learning it. I never competed with the solo and I never let a single other picture or video be taken. I thought I had no talent at this point and I was so embarrassed to dance in front of anyone or any cameras. I didn't get over this until I was about 15 but by then no one was even trying to take pictures anymore. Bonnie, will you take a picture of me dancing when I see you?

While we're on the subject, I think it's time to tell you guys about my amazing night.
You're never going to believe what I did.
Are you ready for this?...



I danced.


And I feel...wait for it...wait for it...

FANTASTIC.

This is such a big deal for me. I can't explain why so I'm not even going to try. But I can't help but feel like... is this really what's been missing? Is this why I've always felt a little bit empty all these years? Is this what I've been searching for in other things and other people? Can it really be that simple? I felt beautiful tonight. I felt in touch with myself. I poured out my feelings and worked through stuff. I feel like all of my senses are working a little better and my brain is a little sharper. Why have I been denying myself this inner peace? Fifteen minutes of uninterrupted movement, alone in a dark room and I feel like I could take on the world.

2 comments:

  1. I completely relate to this post. Dance was my life for 25 years. It makes me sad that I have virtually no pictures of me dancing or video of me dancing. My boyfriend always asks if he can see something and I have nothing to show him. Just pictures of me posing in costumes. Sometimes I really, really miss it. I'm too old to be getting out on stage now, but I still like to take my ipod down to the basement and see if I can still do a pirouette. :)

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  2. I think dancing is the most beautiful thing. I have often felt that if I had stuck with it, I would feel more complete.

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