Thursday, July 23, 2009

You are so young, so feel alive!

My favorite nights have always been those that are filled with wonderful people and that roll along aimlessly across a landscape, from peaceful, zen moments, to beautiful, cinematic moments, to loud, fast, exciting, hilarious moments and then back. Tonight was one of the best I've had in a really long time. It's been forever since I've let myself laugh this much, or even feel this much. The goodness of the people around me is so satisfying and the love so overwhelming. When I love myself a little less than I used to, or I miss the carefree days of being surrounded by friends, sometimes all it takes is a seeking the love out... because it may have changed but it is definitely still there.

It started with a simple gmail chat with my friend Merr.

Merritt:you're so loved. by so many.how good it must feel!


What a lovely thing to say.

Next it was Chadd (stunning as always) holding hands and running, laughing too loudly, reminding me of the old days that were carefree, flirty and full of friends and laughter.
Then it was James Faust (isn't it always?), who never fails to be there with open arms that you don't want to leave.
Then Bonnie talking to me about growing up as I sat on a roof downtown looking out at that Dallas skyline that I've known my whole life.
Then Ashley's reminder that sometimes all you need is someone to sit next to you. It was so completely calming and peaceful.
But the person who really made my night tonight was Set. He fed me pickles all night and made me laugh uncontrollably. He has this way of making worries disappear and life seem so simple. He has an endlessly big heart and zero pretension. I took this lousy picture and love it because it was a moment I didn't want to forget.
On the drive home tonight (this morning) I listened to Voxtrot and pictured Justin and MacLennan singing every word passionately. I felt the line "you are so young, so feel alive" and I realized that the only regrets I have in life are the ones where I wasn't myself, and those have all been so recent. I didn't sing on my birthday. I've been afraid to be myself because I felt like someone didn't like it. I've opted lately to stay in or keep quiet or comply, always to avoid... what? That is not and never has been who I am. It felt good tonight to be Brittan again.


5 comments:

  1. love this song!! I'm new to your blog and would follow but I can't find the followers part!

    Just wanted you to know that I think your blog is cute!

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  2. I loved this Britt, you are amazing.

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  3. I came to your blog from Rockstar Diaries (I think) and just wanted to drop a note. I really liked your post. You made me tear up (in a good way) and I don't even know you.

    Have a great rest of the week! :)

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  4. Thank you all so much! <3

    (I added a followers button, thanks for the heads up.)

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  5. i like to represent for my lil BC. :) you rock!

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