Sunday, August 2, 2009

big block of text.

I touched on this a few posts down but it's really starting to sink in. I had this idea of how life was supposed to be. I followed an example of love/relationship/marriage that was sort of abstractly preached to me. I followed the career path that was closest to what I wanted to do but made the people around me the least scared when I talked about it. I would ask from life and the people around me what I thought I was supposed to ask in order to achieve "happiness." Oh my. Since when has my life followed any sort of normal path? Since when have other people's choices been right for me? I'm a little stunned that I'm just now truly learning this, but also so glad. I would never have embarked on the biggest journey of my life if not for a lot of heartache, conflict and soul searching. I have never been more sure that this is the right decision and never more excited for what it means for me as a person. I am going to grow so much. I am going to become the woman I want to be and create the life I want to have, completely independent of what I've been taught, told and pushed toward up to this point. I don't have to rebel or resist or feel constantly conflicted anymore because I am taking control and doing this completely on my own. I am proud of myself on a whole new level. All the sudden I can see how everything has fallen into place to bring me to this point. I am realizing how important my family is to me, and what I've learned from my past. I am genuinely becoming a better, more complete person. Who knows what the future holds for me. Bad days, I'm sure. Conflict, most def. But I will never, ever be dependent on anyone ever again.

1 comment:

  1. So, I know I've told you lately that I love you. But what I haven't said is how proud I am of you. I WANT you to keep doing what you're doing and follow your life on your own terms. Don't be dependent on anyone...because in the end...the only one you can count on is yourself. Even though sometimes we let ourselves down too. Love you B.