Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I'm alive.

It feels good to be alive and free.

I'm in New York.

The past two mornings I've woken up without the pit in my stomach, the illness and the despair.

This is a big deal.

Yesterday was MIAP orientation.

Last night I watched a series of shorts from the NYU archives.

I'm going to start covering the NYU Saturday Cinematheque screenings on the blog. It will probably be far less interesting than Cinemawesomeness (which I'll still be doing) but I'd like to keep a record of what I watch and how it makes me feel. If you
really like film you might like it.

As for my mental and emotional health, I am doing much better. If you want to ask/talk to me about it, call or email. If you're feeling bad yourself, call or email. It helps to talk.

All of my pain was rooted in one person and set of experiences. I've started a practice where every time anything related to that pops into my head I envision myself slamming a huge, iron door shut on it. Sometimes I have to slam two. Then I picture myself walking away and toward my dreams. The ones that are just mine, some of which no one but me knows about.

This is comforting and empowering.

I'm buying books as soon as I finish this post.

Tomorrow I sign a lease on a truly beautiful Chelsea apartment.

I'm looking so forward to becoming an AMIA member and attending this year's conference, and to other exciting film nerd happenings that I'm not allowed to talk about yet.

It's time to start repairing relationships and making new ones. My classmates are interesting, weird and amazing. We are all from different parts of the world but we know many of the same people through film festivals. It's funny how even in our very different experiences with these people we tend to have developed similar opinions. (Particularly with one connection I really wish I didn't have.) My professors are brilliant and I'm already setting up meetings with people in the industry I never could have dreamed of meeting if I weren't at NYU.

I'm never going back to where I was. I will have to constantly keep my guard up now that I know how easy it is to get there.

4 comments:

  1. chelsea??!!! oh, i'm ooshing with jealousy.

    i had the worst few days with my now ex-roommate and that idea of the iron door might be just what i need to move beyond it so thank you, thank you, thank you for that!

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  2. I envy you right now.

    Take lots of pics for me, hopefully I can come visit soon. (I've never been!)

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  3. Meg, it's seriously the most simple, dumb thing but it WORKS. I can't believe how well it works, in fact. At first I did it maybe a couple dozen times a day and now only 4 or 5. Every day gets easier and I walk a little farther away. Also, I'm so excited about Chelsea! You should come visit and see my new pad once I'm settled. :)

    Jamie... come soon. Please?

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