Friday, December 4, 2009

He walks 10 paces ahead of me with a friend, skateboards everywhere we go instead of holding my hand, won't say goodbye when I drop him off at school and doesn't want to talk. There is beauty in watching your child grow up, but there is sadness in losing him as well.

Today all I can think about is all that I've done wrong. I could have given him what he needed but I've been selfish. Now I just want to fix things and I don't know how. I would give anything to lay next to my three-year-old, with his hand on my cheek and his heart open to me, just one more time. I had a dream once that I was old and he, a grown man, held me like I held him when he was little. We were connected just the same as we always had been.

But right now we are not. He's a blur ahead of me on a busy street and I'm in a panic to catch up.

3 comments:

  1. This post gave me tears. And reminded me of one of my posts not long ago.http://peanutbuttersammie.blogspot.com/2009/11/love-you-forever.html

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  2. You are not alone in your feelings, any good parent will look back and wish that they could do so many things differently. the bitter sweet thing about loving a child is that you want them to grow up, live independently and live a good life, but when they do then its a very painful experience.But each stage has its own rewards, believe me, my two sons are 18 and 15. The older one went off to university a couple of months ago some 250 miles away, it was both painful and wonderful all at the ame time. Tip...you never stop worrying.Regards

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  3. that made me tear up, too! I am currently going through the same thing. I am getting short answers and attitude lately. Which kills me. KILLS ME!

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