Friday, December 4, 2009

He walks 10 paces ahead of me with a friend, skateboards everywhere we go instead of holding my hand, won't say goodbye when I drop him off at school and doesn't want to talk. There is beauty in watching your child grow up, but there is sadness in losing him as well.

Today all I can think about is all that I've done wrong. I could have given him what he needed but I've been selfish. Now I just want to fix things and I don't know how. I would give anything to lay next to my three-year-old, with his hand on my cheek and his heart open to me, just one more time. I had a dream once that I was old and he, a grown man, held me like I held him when he was little. We were connected just the same as we always had been.

But right now we are not. He's a blur ahead of me on a busy street and I'm in a panic to catch up.


  1. This post gave me tears. And reminded me of one of my posts not long ago.

  2. You are not alone in your feelings, any good parent will look back and wish that they could do so many things differently. the bitter sweet thing about loving a child is that you want them to grow up, live independently and live a good life, but when they do then its a very painful experience.But each stage has its own rewards, believe me, my two sons are 18 and 15. The older one went off to university a couple of months ago some 250 miles away, it was both painful and wonderful all at the ame time. never stop worrying.Regards

  3. that made me tear up, too! I am currently going through the same thing. I am getting short answers and attitude lately. Which kills me. KILLS ME!