Wednesday, March 3, 2010

"Today is not Wednesday, it's the day I lost my mind and started speaking to celluloid."

(picture taken sneakily by Sam Oddi, stolen by me from her Twitter)

I am going a little crazy.
I don't think it has ever been as hard to get out of bed (bed is an exaggeration... the place where I sleep) as it was today. Sleep does not come easy.
My days are so full and busy. I can't even find time to pick up my laundry.
My head and heart are tired and confused.

The city is so full of people. People who make nervous popping noises with their lips on your otherwise quiet train ride, embarrass you in subway stations and close doors on you.
Okay, I'm lonely. I miss my little family so much. I miss my friends. My best friend.
Every night I go to bed (though not sleep, not for hours anyway) thinking about how badly I need a hug. I need love.

So today I was winding film (which you know I love) and my arm, which has been hurting for about a week freaked out on me. Yes, I have damaged the arm that does the one activity that brings me peace in my crazy life.
The freakout happened when I was using the worst rewinds in the history of film, I lost control and Fritz Lang's Beyond A Reasonable Doubt spilled off the reel, curled and settled in twisted heaps of 16mm all around me.
"Film," I whined, "Why? Why would you do that? I am having a bad week and I just want you to be nice and let me enjoy this Wednesday." But film did not care.
I threatened to leave it like that and go home and not inspect it and let it break in the projector. But again it did not care.
So I untwisted it, guided it back up onto its reel and asked it to please just wind nicely for the sake of my sanity (too late) and my elbow.
Such a metaphor for other aspects of my life.

Now we are having class via Skype (there we are up there in the picture) and prof keeps asking us to focus the webcam. So... there's that. Tonight I'm escaping to Jersey for crispy tofu and Sneve... who I may hug awkwardly tight for an inappropriate amount of time.

2 comments:

  1. i hope your elbow fixes itself.
    if only life would fix itself.

    watch this:
    http://vimeo.com/8972758

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