Friday, August 27, 2010

it feels good to be home.

i'll admit that wasn't my first thought getting off the plane. i felt queasy and unsettled. i called bonnie from the airport and let it all out on my cab ride to brooklyn. all the anger, frustration and fear surrounding my current station in life. my poor cabbie. but then i felt the familiar relief you get from such expulsion, and i rested my head against the window and watched the skyline for a minute. she asked if i was happy to be back. "it does feel good to be home. it really does."

when i decided to move here it was at the magnolia theatre in dallas after a particularly bad day (...week, month, year). i was sitting on the roof of the parking garage looking at the dallas skyline and transposing it in my mind with new york's. since my first visit to new york, it had never felt the same coming back and i knew in that instant that dallas was too small for me. i would never be satisfied with it again.

so here i am, in a place that unveils something new to me every time i step outside, that is always challenging and surprising. i've spent a year here now. i experienced it with my family and all the little things that that means from elementary school block parties to carting my sick cat around my manhattan to get her treated. i said goodbye to them, accepted my failures and awkwardly stumbled through a semester trying to find my footing. now i'm learning to be a grownup on my own and it is endlessly satisfying.

i am temporarily staying in brooklyn with these people who i feel almost unworthy of. they are some of the most generous, open, awesome people i've ever know. it must be fate that we met because everything suddenly seems to be connecting and falling into place. i feel very much at home on their couch, and i think it might be the start of something really cool.

i've been enjoying the city with my new friends and those of my old friends who are back from their internships and vacations. spending an afternoon digging through the shelves at kim's video, walking around the east village and soho looking for something undetermined, meeting some friends at corners and leaving some at others. eating the best food in the world, and never having to step foot inside a chain restaurant. being surrounded by people who DO things. you forget how special it is.

i don't have anything to show you right now because i'm still taking it all in, looking for a place to live, settling myself back into this life, enjoying it immensely before it gets difficult. more soon.

2 comments:

  1. lovely simply lovely. i can't wait to get back. truly i can't. i miss my little neighborhood and (dare i say it) the subway!

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  2. just so love this. A place I am unfamiliar with (for now) but can relate to your experience a lot.

    Hopefully things pick up and a new home will be found. YOu're lovely. this is quite the lovely.

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