Monday, December 19, 2011

Radvent Day 19: Identity

Hmm.

I think I am just realizing that what I'm having may actually be an identity crisis. At the same time that I am becoming more mature, aware and settled in parts of who I am, I am trying to redefine other parts. I often say, "I don't know what I'm doing..." and I mean it. Do I want to go anywhere/do anything for a job in my field that pays a living wage, or do I want to tough out the emotionally draining life I'm in right now for the chance to (maybe?) pursue something I'm truly passionate about? Is it really to my benefit to work on so many projects, on top of being a mom, that I never see my friends or go to shows? What was the last film I saw? What was the last band I watched live? It hit me about 10 minutes ago (as I was pondering my Music post) that I haven't really listened to music in so long. I mean, had so much mentally-free time that I could lay around and hear a new album, take it in and feel it. I just listened to a new St. Vincent song a minute ago and thought... I don't know, maybe it's time to put on eyeliner and meet my city (and my friends) again. Maybe it's just time to dust off my headphones. 

I don't know if I'm an archivist. Technically, right now, I'm a legal assistant. What. I don't know if I'm a person, or if I'm a mom and a girlfriend and another driver on the interstate. I don't know where I fit. 

Do I have to know that to understand my identity? 

Who are you?

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