Friday, December 23, 2011

Radvent Day 23: Presence

One of my greatest talents -- maybe my greatest -- is my ability to remain composed through chaos. That's not to say I never lose my chiz. I definitely do. But when the situation calls for me to be "On" -- when someone is in danger, or I'm working a busy film festival or I'm in the middle of a meeting that's falling apart quickly -- I have a knack for pulling it together and getting stuff done. The downside of this is that I am not focused all the time. I can pull it together brilliantly in chaotic situations that demand a leader, but in my daily life I'm actually pretty attention deficit and don't always trust my leadership skills.

Right now I'm really working on this and trying hard to be "On" more often. Taso's mom is really good at this. She has a very successful, demanding career and is also an amazing homemaker and great mom. She's friendly and thoughtful and smart. She learned Greek as an adult, which, I can attest, is not easy. It's not that I want to be just like her. There are lots of ways in which we're different, and our goals are different, but I do look up to her. I would like to learn to present myself the way she does. 

I feel like I covered all of the things I want to say already in the Wrapping post, which makes me realize... I suppose I try to hide my flaws behind the characteristics I want to have. This image I'm creating of who I am isn't a facade, it's who I'm becoming, how I want people to see me and how I want to be remembered. It's vain, but it's either that or not understand myself and lose the power to control what becomes of my life and my impact.

This photo is totally unrelated to these thoughts, as is becoming a theme in the last few posts, but I want to share what I did today. I went to see Les Miserables at the beautiful Winspear Opera House in the new Dallas Arts District. The production was absolutely breathtaking. I haven't seen set design like that anywhere other than the Metropolitan Opera in New York. The story is obviously one of the saddest ever, so of course I cried throughout, along with my mom, the lady next to me and probably everyone else in attendance. I've never seen a professional level production of Les Mis live. I've seen recorded Broadway performances (and the Liam Neeson movie) and know the songs, but seeing it live was far more moving and heartbreaking than I could have imagined. I was pretty spent for the rest of the day.

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