Sunday, December 4, 2011

Radvent Day 4: Caring

I cried at AMIA. In front of colleagues and people I admire. It was embarrassing, but then my life hero -- who happens to be a super important lady in our field -- pulled me aside and told me to not feel bad, she'd already cried twice in front of her colleagues that week. She said that we just care so much about what we do that when we get frustrated and angry over the bureaucracy behind it and the disputes that arise (which happen a lot in our field), we're extra sensitive to it. Not only does that not negatively affect my performance or ability to manage responsibility (and it certainly hasn't hurt her career), I actually think it makes me work harder and fight longer for things. Anyone can be passionate, but I think there's an emotional quality unique to women that drives us to really nurture the things that we care about.

I want to restore an old movie theater in Denton. I care about it like I've cared about few other things (not people) in my life. I think this restoration can do something wonderful and even vital for the community it's in, for the building's history and legacy, and for film exhibition in general, and I will work as long and hard as possible to see it happen. I've learned to care about myself and others, and am always thinking (as evidenced in these blog posts) about what that truly means, but the older I get the more I care about being a part of a community and giving back to it. I care more about the good I'm doing in the world (even if it's just running an art house cinema) and the lasting impact of the projects I take on. I'm finding that often my passions align with those of other people and they begin to care about my projects and take them on as their own. There is something awesome about that, and there is certainly strength in numbers. I believe more and more that change is just the result of getting enough people together who care a lot about one thing, and I can't think of anything we need more in the world right now.

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