Wednesday, February 15, 2012

hello again.

I haven't had much to say lately. I've been struggling with finding gratitude and contentment in my life. I'm restless and have bordered on bitter once or twice. Those are ugly qualities and I'm trying to release them and stay humble. I'm also struggling in a big way with trying to eat raw and gluten free, struggling with keeping up a workout regimen that goes: run/weights/pilates/yoga. Emphasis on struggling. I'm definitely doing it, but I go through emotion-driven rises and falls in motivation and right now I'm at a lull, so I do fewer good things for myself, feel worse and the cycle continues. I need to shape up. This is a big year for me, I can feel it, and when it all starts heading up I need to be physically and mentally ready to knock it out of the ballpark.

Right now I'm really inspired by Kris Carr's Crazy, Sexy Diet. I hated the title and "yeah gurl!" tone at first but the message got through to me in a different way than many of the vegan lifestyle/wellness/meditation books I've read. I like Kris' story. You can't help but feel like if she can do it you can too. I'm trying to be gluten free. I don't have a gluten allergy but I do have a polycystic ovaries, which put me at high risk for a number of unpleasant things, ranging from a flabby belly (which I've had since puberty despite being fitness crazed and a dancer for a number of years) to diabetes. Cutting out the carbs is the number one way to naturally curb those things, so I'm really trying. I already eat a limited diet in comparison with the Standard American Diet, so the breads and pastas fill out my mostly plant-based (and 100% vegetarian) meals. I don't go crazy, but I like a good sandwich. Well, no more. Right now my body wants to replace the bread and pasta with something, and that something is sugar. I'm constantly fighting the urge to become a slave to it. I'm working out the kinks, trying to focus myself on a lifestyle that helps me feel better, helps my pretty summer dresses fit better and improves my longterm health. Sometimes that's hard when you're poor and beaten down by unemployment, but that's life.

Other than that I've been watching a lot of movies and Downton Abbey (I don't care how soapy it is, I eat it up and it's delicious). Taso and I took a drive down to Austin so that I could meet with some people that I want to work for. I talked some more about art house theaters and archives and how it would be really great if someone would pay me a salary to work on these projects so I don't starve to death in my grandma's spare bedroom before I've had a chance to complete them. Maybe I'm being a touch dramatic, but the student loans can only be deferred for so long and my patience with working for free has run out. I did have a really good time in Austin. Taso treated me to a ballet of Moulin Rouge, good food and movies. My car died, but we made it back in one piece. Again, life.

B happens to be doing wonderfully lately. Right now his grades are three 100s, two 98s and a 97, and his teachers are sending home praise. He's blowing through his piano lessons and is generally happy and well behaved. I'm so proud of him my heart could just burst. After such a difficult two years, I am amazed by the progress he's made, especially in the last couple months. I swear he is one of the coolest people I know. I feel so lucky to get to be in his life. For all the things I did wrong, there must have been some right to it. We're planning a massive 10th birthday party for next month because he totally deserves it. Just typing this paragraph lifted my spirits.
So that's what's up. Sorry I'm so boring and moody.

1 comment:

  1. Wishing you luck with the Crazy Sexy Diet. I've found that gluten free hasn't been that hard for me, but I too am having sugar cravings. I'm on day 16. After the first week, I think it's easier. I still wake up pumped every day to be healthier. I didn't like her "girl power" title and tone either, but her story is incredible. And if eating this way can help me prevent bad health in the future, I'm committed.