Wednesday, November 7, 2012

We're just a few days into the week and so much has happened. I have felt tidal waves of sadness, fear, anger, relief, resolution and hope. My dear friend and MIAP sister June, her husband and their unborn child were in a bad car accident that left my friend badly hurt. As I got the call and then connected with the rest of my MIAP class, the question kept coming up, "Why June?" Why someone so good and, as Sam said, so needed? We are grateful she and her husband are alive, but we are resigned to wait for further news. I reread the short report we got over and over and hope that she is continuing to get better, because that's all I can do. Our class is 7 people strong and very close, and the time since grad school hasn't been particularly easy on any of us. The struggle to find jobs, survive in New York/miss New York, make it through deadly hurricanes and existential crises has left us all a little older, but I am sobered up by this. I'm awake now. I see how precious this all is, even the hard times or the periods where it feels like nothing is happening. I am more appreciative than ever for the people who saw me through the thick of it in New York, and who I can video chat and cry with all night when something terrible happens to one of our own. I wish there was more I could do, but I am at least left with hope that June, who is so much wiser and such a better person than me, and her family will pull through.

Then last night our President was reelected. I have never been more nervous for an election, more afraid (terrified, really) that my rights as a woman would be set back 50 years. I am so relieved. I have no delusions about the last four years, but I am hopeful that President Obama can back up the beautiful things he said last night. This is a victory of defeat more than anything. I am feeling more than ever that the odds are stacked in my favor, that I need to maximize this time. Perhaps that's blind optimism but, of all the things I could feel right now, I think the most productive is to feel hopeful.

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